101 Goals in 1001 days.
I'm going to give this a go.  Let's hope it helps me to stay focused :)

My goals....Collapse )

C25k: Week 1 Day 3
This is actually my 4th day of running.  I did day 2 twice.  I felt weird doing nothing in between.  I'm so beyond proud of myself!  I started going to the gym yesterday.  I worked out with my aunt for an hour and a half.  This morning I went back and got a guest pass for a week.  I won't be using this gym, they just opened one closer but the pass will last until my aunt goes back down state.  I am embarrased to go alone.  I don't know why.  No one is paying attention(or it doesn't seem as if they are).  They all just look so good and I'm not fit at all yet :(  Yesterday when I was with my aunt it was so much more comfortable.  This morning I did my run, got on an ab machine(I hate my tummy) and left.

As far as getting fit, I've decided not to change my diet yet.  I don't think I am able to do both at once.  Once I get into my exercise routine and I'm going consistently, I'll change my diet.  I do enjoy this though.  It's nice to get something accomplished before the house is even awake.  I went today and yesterday from 7-8am and the kids are just getting up when I come back home.  I'm also not weighing myself.  After a month, I will.  I know I'll just get discouraged if I do it too soon or too often. 
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"I do you hair mommy?"
So, I'm winding down the day with my son, Aaron(2), "combing" my hair.  I haven't a clue what he thinks he's doing.  It seems that he's very proud of himself.  He's quiet and calm.  That's an even exchange for a few minutes of hair pulling.
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C25K: Day 2
I feel great.  I finished day two without pause.  For a second there I wanted keep going.  Thank goodness for my play list.  My aunt, Amanda, died in 1999.  There is an old Mase song, Feels so Good, that she loved.  I never really cared for it then but it's in my iPod because it makes me think of her.  When it came on, it gave me a second wind.  I was able to distract myself from the pain thinking happy thoughts of her :)

Menu plan
One of the goals listed is to created a reusable menu plan.  I think I have found the one I want from Pinterest:

It can be seen here. It's perfect and I have some odd obsession with making stuff.  I think I shall start this today.

C25K: Day 1
I've gained a lot of weight since M's accident.  Between having a lot of desk work to do with little outside activity and depression, I may weight the most I ever have :(  I don't want it to be that way anymore.  I started Couch to 5K this morning...again, lol.  The first time I tried was before the accident.  I was doing it in preparation for midwifery training in El Paso.  It's a very busy practice.  That was out the window after M's accident.  Then once I sat in the hospital for a month I noticed I was gaining and tried again, and again.  Not motivated enough.  This time I will do it.  I suspect I'll do it at a slower pace.  It may take me a couple weeks to get through the C25K week one.  Not because I intend to do it less, I may repeat days until this becomes easier for me.  Today went well but somehow I'm concerned that I'm not going to adjust to it well.  I guess we'll see how it turns out.  I'm also going to give water another go.  I HATE water.  I don't know why.  The only time I like water is on a hot summer day when I drink it from the hose.  It's so fresh and crisp.  Even then I don't think I like it, I think it's just the pleasant, familiar memories from my childhood that convince my mind that it tastes good.  Running and walking today was really much harder than it should have been because I didn't have any water.
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A Different Direction
I need to blog.  I have a lot to say and I'd like to get motivated to get things back to normal.  We're now in Chicago.  We moved to the city in November.  My mother and I bought a house near my family home and here we are a few issues.  I don't care for the city.  I loved the open space of the close proximity to nature we had out in the suburbs.  I'm very out of sorts here.  Don't get me wrong, I love our house!  It's beautiful and the perfect size for us.  I do wish we  had more yard but I can work with what I have.  Being honest, I always have a hard time keeping up with yard work but I always want the space.  Maybe the size will fit us just right.  I will still garden, I love gardening and it helps me feel closer to the earth.  I'm absolutely surrounded by christians here.  That isn't a bad thing really, that is the case in most parts of the country.  However, before I had my little pagan gatherings.  I'll have to find a new outlet for that here.  There is no one like me anywhere near me.  That is hard.  No baby wearers, no breastfeeders, no one passionate about birth or homeschool or anything that I love talking about.  I know there are people like that in the city, quite likely not near me, but I know they exist.  I will find them!

So, today is the first day of the new me.  I have several goals and I'd like to get some semblance of normalcy.  Since M's accident, I have none.  My life has been revolving around him.  We're separated though I do still care for him and he lives here.  I need to get back focus to where it belongs. So, here's to normal!

Today we started a science experiment.  I'm excited to see the outcome as well as the follow ups.  We're making two naked eggs and I'm hoping they both come out in decent enough condition to do follow ups on.  We haven't done a science experiment is quite some time.  The children are very excited!

Even after one short hour you can already see the calcium breaking down from the acetic acid.  I wasn't expecting a reaction so soon.  I imagine our eggs will be completely naked when we wake up(or close to it).

Before all this, I was also trying to make the switch to green cleaning supplies.  Today I found a link on pinterest to an orange infused vinegar tincture of sorts.  I started that today as well.  We'll see how that turns out in a couple weeks. 

I have a long list of green cleaning agents and I'll be replacing them as I run out.  I will post them here as well as how they worked.

Happy Time :-D
II just realized my other posts are all mopey.  I'm not a naturally sad person in general.  Actually, a lot of the reason I make sad posts is because I hate being sad and am generally a happy person.  I let the saddness out on 'paper' to avoid showing it in person.  I'm not sure this is a good tactic but it's me.

So, I'm super excited!  We're going to Renn Faire.  Last week we were in Wisconsin Dells, my sweet mother treated us tp a trip.  I'm convinced that trip saved my sanity and prepared me for the week from hell I was about to face at home.  Four days with no responsibilty and all the beautiful smiles and laughs from the kids was all I need to remind myself that I can do this!!  Renn Faire.  We've never been.  I have no idea what to expect but I'm certain the kids will have a blast just based on wha I've heard from others as well as the website.  We might go today.  I didn't think we could.  Money is tight but this weekend, the last one of Renn Fair, has a promotion and all kids are free!

I'm also happy about my church.  I love it.  While I am pagan I attend a Unitarian Universalist Church when I can(which hasn't been often lately).  Despite not yet being a member AND the fact that I haven't been lately they were very helpful to me just recently.  Becaue of M's pending status in, well, everything, there were a few issues I had that I couldn't get out of alone.  Those wonderful people are helping me and I couldn't be more grateful!

My dog is also doing very well.  she was hit by a car two weeks ago. She's basically back to her old self.  She's so cute when she runs all peg legged with her cast.  I love it.  I'll be happy once it comes off though.  She's my walking buddy and I miss taking walks  I'd like to get back to it.

Oh yea.  I'm on a life changing adventure right now.  I've gained weight since M has been ill, I'm not sure HOW since I'm always on the go.  I do know that I've been eating more.  I could go for a while and not be hungry before and now it feels like I'm hungry all the time.  I'll spare the depressing details but when I weighed myself last I was not a happy girl.  While I don't always lose, I'm usually consistent and I gained around 17 pounds.  So, I'm on a diet and trying to excercise.   Diet is the wrong term...I'm trying to fix my habits.  Diets do not work and I know it.  So far so good!  I'm challenging myelf to drink more water and MUCH less juice and soda.  I'm doing as much Just Dance 2 as I can each day.  I got an hour in the other night and it felt great!  I'm also trying to get back into FLY lady because my house is a mess and the guests that have about worn out their welcome are no longer very helpful.  With any luck it will be very soon.
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"You choose this."
A couple weeks ago I had a graduation party.  It went really well.  I saw a lot of old friends.  One was a young lady I'd been a girl scout with.  She's now a teacher.  When I told I was homeschooling, she had a million(judgmental) questions under the guise of simple curiosity.  The last question she asked was what the biggest challenge was.  It took me a moment to think.  I truly do enjoy my children.  I answered her with, "Well, I don't get a lot of time to myself."  She looked at me mockingly and said, "But you choose this.  You don't have to."  I was so taken aback by her statement that I didn't really know how to answer.  Don't we all choose our children's educational choices?  I know many mothers who would love to be with their children all day but can't.  Why doesn't this argument work for them?  Because it's the norm?  For those women, they are offered comfort.  As an homeschooling mother, I'm offered mockerey.  To add to  irony, she had just complained about the lack of time from her toddler and preschooler, despite working outside the homes several hours a day.  Didn't she choose to have them?  If I have no right to wish for more time, how does she?  Also, there was a time when I did have time away from my children.  Did I choose for my husband to become brain injured?  NO.  I did not.  Do I choose to keep my children home and have less time for myself?  I sure do.  There is never a moment when I regret it.  Nothing in life is all sunshine and flowers all the time.  There are downsides to every decision we make.  Downsides do not make that decision the wrong one.  Nothing in life is free.

A friend
I often times wish I had a friend.  A true friend.  One that would listen to me instead of just expect me to listen to them.  I don't know how I always end up with friends who don't seem to want me to talk.  They expect me to be a vessel for them to drop their problems on but once it becomes time to listen to me, they offer little advice or give me rough advice that does more harm than good.  I'm so tired of having no one.  It's lonely.  It's depressing.  I have so much going on in my life, sometimes a little compassion would go a long way.  None of my choices are easy and to trivialize them hurts my feelings a great deal especially when you are calling yourself a close friend.

Enough of the pity party.  I'll just let it go.


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